Just for Laughs

Sorry for the long hiatus, people! Painting my room and moving everything around wore me out. Any way, in its entirety is the fanfic I wrote with my very good friend. I edited out all the "Queen Biscuit III says:" and the like. But, other than that, everything's intact. Enjoy!

Name: (N/A)
Author: Queen Biscuit III and myself
Series: Everything we could think up at 2 in the morning.
TL;DR Version: Just messing around with the shift button jammed and talking about nonsense. Where there are * that means it's a new message received. It's a little weird but only for fun. No one like actually tried to make this... It was all spontaneous.

*ONCE UPON A TIME
*YOUR MOM WENT TO MARKET
*AND SHE WENT TO GO BUY A FISH BUT AT THE FISH STAND WAS..... HOLY SHIT IT WAS............................................
*A GIANT GUINNEA PIG!!
*RAVAGING THROUGH THE STREETS!!
*SO YOUR MOM'S LIKE "HELL NO BETCH" AND GETS THE HELP FROM
*NARUTO AND OSCAR FROM SESAME STREET
*AT FIRST NARUTO'S ALL
*"BELIEVE IT"
*AND OSCAR'S ALL
*"<<"
*BUT SUDDENLY......
*SOMETHING ECLIPSES THE SUN AND BLUES FROM THE BLUES CLUES LANDS ON THE GROUND IN AN EPIC FLOURISH
*BUT THEN BLUE GETS INTO A TOTAL PIMP WAR WITH CURIOUS GEORGE
*AND THEN ASH COMES IN AND TRIES TO CAPTURE THEM
*AND YOUR MOM GETS ALL TICKED AND STUFF BUT THEN SHE HEARS THIS CALMING MELODY AND LOOKS OVER TO SEE LINK PLAYING A SONG FOR HIS GIRLFRIEND.... AND THEN THERE'S A HORDE OF FANGIRLS--OH NOES
*SO THEN LINK RUNS OFF AND HIDES IN YOUR MOM'S PURSE WHERE HE MEETS BARACK OBAMA AND HIS HO JOE BIDEN
*OR HOWEVER THE HELL YOU SPELL HIS NAME
*SO YOUR MOM CHUCKS THE PURSE AT THE RAVAGING GUINEA PIG
*AND THE GUINNEA PIG EXPLODES IN A BURST OF BEER AND CONFETTI
*AND PIE
*LOTS AND LOTS OF PIE
*SO CURIOUS GEORGE AND BLUES FORGET THEIR DIFFERENCES AND START NOMMING
*BUT OSCAR'S STILL LIKE <<
*AND NARUTO'S ALL "AHAHAHA BELEIVE IT!"
*AND ASH TAKES ADVANTAGE OF THIS ALL
*ANDTRIES TO CAPTURE NARUTO
*AND THEN VICTORY MUSIC PLAYS AND NARUTO'S NEW NICKNAME BECOMES SOMETHING INAPPROPRIATE AND HE IS LATER TRADED FOR A MALE PIDGEY, LEVEL 3.
*"BAHLIEVE IT"
*X3
*BUT JUST BEFORE ANY OF THAT CAN HAPPEN TEAM ROCKET COMES IN AND TRIES TO STEAL NARUTO AWAY FROM ASH
*AND SO THEY CAN INTO AN EPIC BATTLE
*BUT THEN HARRY POTTER RIDES IN ON HIS BROOMSTICK AND TURNS THEM ALL INTO OWLS
*ORLY? =7=
*BUT THEN SUPERMAN COMES AND CHALLENGES HARRY TO A RACE
*AROUND THE WORLD
*AND EVERYONE'S INVITED
*AND THE CROWD GOES WILD
*BUT BEFORE THE RACE CAN BEGIN, CAPTAIN FALCON CRASHES THE PARTY
*"FALCON KICK!"
*AND HE KICKS SUPERMAN AND HARRY POTTER INTO THE LATE 70S
*WHERE THEY MEET THE CURRENT QUEEN OF ENGLAND
*AND TURN HER INTO A SUPERHERO
*AND THEY RENT A VAN
*A DOG
*AND A GAY SCARF
*AND DRIVE AROUND SOLVING MYSTERIES
*BUT THEN THEY RAN OVER SOMETHING. THEY WENT TO EXAMINE THE ROADKILL AND IT WAS NONE OTHER THAN...........
*SMOKEY THE BEAR
*SO WITHOUT KNOWING WHATELSE TO DO, THEY DECIDED TO ROAST THE CORPSE FOR THEIR BBQ PARTY
*BUT THEN SMOKEY BECOMES REBORN FROM THE ASHES LIKE A FREAKING PHEONIX
*AND HE'S ALL LIKE "PUT OUT THAT FIYA YO >:U"
*BUT THEN SUPERMAN GETS ANGRY AND DECIDES TO STAB THE BEAR USING THE QUEEN
*BUT HE MISSES AND ACCIDENTALLY KILLS HARRY POTTER
*WITH HARRY POTTER DEAD, THE QUEEN GASPS IN SHOCK BEFORE SHOUTING "OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" AND THEN EVERY ONE SUDDENLY TURNS ANGRY AND SURROUNDS HIM
*AND SUPERMAN'S ALL "OH SH*T"
*AND BURRIES UNDERGROUND
*WHERE HE FINDS INDIANA JONES LOOKIN' FOR SOME TREASURE
*AND SUPERMAN'S ALL LIKE "YO DAWG" CAUSE THEY'RE HOMIES, YA KNOW.
*FO SHO
*AND INDIE'S LIKE "DAWG HOWZ IT BIN?"
*AND SUPERMAN'S ALL "NOT NOW DAWG, THE POPO IS AFTER ME!"
*AND INDIE'S LIKE "FOR REAL MAN? D: "
*"AGAIN? D:"
*"YOU DIDN'T KILL ANOTHER HOOKER DID YOU?" D8
*AND SUPERMAN REPLIES "WELL, DAWG, I DID KILL A HOOKER BUT IT'S OKAY YO CUZ IT WAS ONLY HARRY POTTER."
*AND INDIE'S HE'S GETTIN' ALL SYMPATHETIC AND LIKE "AW YEAH MAN GOOD JOB THERE."
*BUT THEN STEVEN SPEILBERG COMES OUT OF THE BUSHES AND B*TCH SLAPS INDIE
*AND HE'S ALL
*"B*TCH, GIT BACK TO WORK! D< "
*AND INDIE'S ALL "D|" AND HE LEAVES
*SO NOW SUPERMAN'S ALL ALONE AND SH*T AND GETTIN' KINDA DEPRESSED SO HE PLAYS SOME LINKIN PARK AND STARTS SLITTIN' HIS SPANDEX COVERED WRISTS
*BUT THEN "WANNABE" BY SPICE GIRLS COMES UP 'CAUSE BATMAN'S BEEN BOROWING HIS IPOD
*AND SO HAS ROBIN
*SO THEN SOME RICKY MARTIN COMES UP
*AND SUPERMAN'S LISTENING TO "LIVIN LA VIDA LOCA"
*AND SO HE SMASHES HIS PINK IPOD IN HIS FISTS AND FLIES TO CHINA TO GET A NEW ONE
*BUT WHEN HE GETS THERE, SOME CRAZY SH*T IS GOING ON AND THERE'S FIRES AND BABIES CRYING AND PEOPLE RUNNING AROUND IN PANDIMONIUM AND FLYING COWS AND STUFF.
*THEN SOME ANNOUNCER GUY ANOUNCES "THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR......"
*UR MOM
*AND SUPERMAN'S GETTIN' READY TO RIP OFF HIS SPANDEX TO SHOW HIS OTHER SPANDEX WHEN YOUR MOM ACTUALLY SHOWS UP
*AND SHE'S ALL "OH HEEEEELLZ TO THE MOTHER EFFING NO!" I KNOW YOU DO NOT EXPECT ME TO CLEAN UP THIS MESS!!
*AND SO SHE BUSTS OUT THE CLOROX AND THE MISTER CLEAN AND MAKES SUPERMAN CLEAN UP THE WORLD
*MEANWHILE....
*EVERY BODY GETS SOME RANDOM CHICK NO ONE CARES ABOUT TO REVIVE HARRY POTTER, BUT SHE DIES IN THE PROCESS BUT NO BODY CARES CEPT THIS GREEN HAIRED DUDE AND HE'S CRYING WHILE EVERY ONE'S CELEBRATIN'
*AND HARRY POTTER'S ALL PISSED THAT HE DIED AND MET JESUS AND STUFF
*SO HE SWEARS REVENGE AND HE AND THE QUEEN AND THE DOG AND THE VAN AND EVEN THAT GAY SCARF
*THEY ALL GO AND FLY OFF TO CHINA TO KICK SUPERMAN'S ASS IN
*WHEN THEY GET THERE, THEY FIND UR MOM AND SUPERMAN MAKING OUT IN A BROOM CLOSET
*AND EVERYONE'S ALL: D8
*SO THEN THEY DECIDE THEY NEED AN EXPERT TO HANDLE THIS...
*SO THEY FIND A RANDOM FLAMING POSTER THAT SOME ORIENTAL SCREAMING WOMAN GAVE THEM AND HIRE THE NAME LISTED
*LITTLE DO THEY KNOW THE TRUE, UNADULTERATED POWER OF.............................
*CHUCK NORRIS IN A BIKINI!!!!
*HE FLIES IN OUT OF NOWHERE READY TO SAVE THE DAY!
*AND HE STRIKES A FLAMBOYANT POSE BEFORE OPENING THE CLOSET AND GAZING UPON THE HORRORS WITHIN
*AND HE AND SUPERMAN HAVE A STARING CONTEST
*AND UR MOM'S ALL "OH NO!! WHATEVER SHALL I DO?! D: *SWOON*"
*BUT THEN CHUCK NORRIS AND SUPERMAN KILL EACH OTHER
*AND DIE
*AND HARRY POTTER'S SAD
*BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE KILLED WHEN THEY DIE
*YES
*YES THEY ARE
*PEOPLE DIE IF THEY ARE KILLED
*SUDDENLY SAILOR MOON COMES OUT OF NOWHERE
*AND GETS NAKED IN FRONT OF EVERYONE IN ORDER TO CHANGE
*NO WAIT, IT'S "IMPLIED"
*AND SHE'S ALL LIKE "NOW THOSE PESKY TOKYO MEWS WILL NEVER FIND ME!"
*BUT TOKYO MEW MEW ALSO COMES IN
*BUT THEY DID
*OH NO
*AND THEY CAPTURE HER
*AND GAG HER
*YES
*AND FEED HER BUTTER ON A FORK
*YESSSS
*AND MAKE HER EAT ENGLAND'S HORRIBLE COOKING
*AND EVERY ONE'S LIKE "NOT A FORK NUUUUUUUUUUUUU"
*AND THEY GAG HER WITH A SPOON
*BUT THEN LUFFY COMES IN WITH HIS STRAW HAT OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
*DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
*AND GIR COMES IN SINGING HIS DOOM SONG
*AND INUYASHA JOINS ALONG
*BUT THEN THE MEWS ARE LIKE "NUUUUUUUUUUUUU MAKE THEM STOP"
*BUT THEY DON'T
*AND SOON MORE DOGS ARE SINGING
*LIKE MCGRUFF
*AND BLUE
*AND EVEN SCOOBY DOO
**SHOT FOR RHYMING*
*AND EVEN ALL THOSE DOG FURRIES LIKE VOLUG AND THE NUMEROUS NAMELESS ONES ON PHOTOBUCKET
*BUT THEN MYSPACE TOM BARGES IN AND IS ALL "LUL WANNA BE FRIENDS? 8D"
*AND OSCAR IS STILL "<<"
*AND THEN HE'S ALL LIKE "O^O" BECAUSE OF REJECTION AND RUNS OFF IN TEARS TO GO INDULGE IN CHOCOLATE PUDDING
*AND SOON HE TRASHES HIS ACCOUNT AND DIES BUT THEN IS REBORN IN A TEMPLE IN PERU SOMEWHERE
*AND GOES ON A RAMPAGE TO KILL FACEBOOK
*AND THEN THE TARDIS SHOWS UP AND DR. WHO COMES OUT AND HE'S LIKE "OH HELL NO" AND BEATS HIM TO OBLIVION KNOWING THE FALL OF FACEBOOKS BRINGS ABOUT MASS SUICIDES AND THE FALL OF MANKIND
*SO THEN YOUTUBE COMES IN PLAYING A SAD SONG
*BUT THEN YOUTUBE'S B*TCH GOOGLE COMES BACK AND ORDERS YOUTUBE TO MAKE IT A SANDWHICH
*AND YOUTUBE CRIES AND GETS BEATEN AROUND A BIT BEFORE GETTIN BACK IN TEH KITCHEN WHERE IT BELONGS.
*AND GOOGLE'S ALL LAUGHING IT UP ALONG WITH ALL THE OTHER EVIL MONOPOLIES
*LIKE DISNEYLAND
*AND MICKEYMOUSE PUTS ON HIS CROWN AND STARTS ACTIN' LIKE A TYRANT AND STUFF
*SO NOW HE"S GOT ARMIES OF DISNEY CHARACTERS AFTER THEIR RIVALS OF ALL THE ANIMES EVARRR
*AND 4KIDS COMES IN AND FILTERS THIS STORY TO MAKE IT KID FRIENDLY
*OH NOES!! D8
*BUT THEN 4KIDS AND DISNEY DECIDE TO TEAM UP
*TO BRING DISNEY-THEMED ANIMES TO CHILDREN THE WORLD OVER
*SO THEY REPLACE ASH'S HAT WITH A MICKEY MOUSE CAP
*AND PIKACHU WITH PLUTO
*SINCE HE'S YELLOW
*AND THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME
*APARENTLY
*AND AL GORE JUST MADE A NEW DISCOVERY
*AND NOW ALL THE ANIMES NOT DUBBED BY 4KIDS ARE DUKING IT OUT WITH DISNEYKIDS
*"DISNEYKIDS IS THE CAUSE OF GLOBAL WARMING!" SAYS AL GORE
*"THEY MUST BE DESTROYED!!" SAYS BILL GATES
*"AAAAIIIIIGH'T." SAYS WALDO
*. . .
*MEEEEEAAAANWHIIIILE...
*HARRY POTTER DECIDES TO MAKE THIS RANDOM CHICK HIS BITCH AN ASKS FOR A PINA COLADA AND GOING OUT INTO RAIN
*AND THEN HE MENTIONS HE'S NOT INTO YOGA AND HE HAS HALF A BRAIN
*AND THEN EVERY ONE BREAKS OUT INTO SONG
*AND STARTS PARTYING WITH MUSIC PROVIDED BY YOUTUBE FROM THE KITCHEN
*AND YES, HARRY POTTER DOES LIKE THE FEEL OF THE OCEAN
*AND THE TASTE OF CHAMPAGNE
*SO THEY ALL DRINK SOME
*AND THEY DRINK SOME MORE
*AND MORE
*AND GET HORRIBLY WASTED
*AND WAKE UP IN VEGAS
*MARRIED TO LADY GAGA
*AND HARRY POTTER'S LIKE "DUUUUUDE TRIPPY WICKED SWEEEEET."
*AND THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND BUSTS IN SLAPS HARRY POTTER UPSIDE THE HEAD
*CAUSE SHE AND HARRY POTTER WERE LIKE THIS MAN
*THEY WERE TIGHT, DAWG
*THEY WERE MORE THAN TIGHT, BRO
*THEY WERE LIKE SIAMESE TWINS, YO
Queen Biscuit III says:
*DAMN STRAIGHT HOMIE
*SO THEN SHE'S ALL "WTF MAN? i TOLD YOU TO LAY OFF THE HOOKERS!!"
*AND THEN HARRY POTTER BLAMES IT ON THE MONKEY
*AND THE MONKEY SLAPS HARRY FOR BLAMING HIM
*AND HARRY'S ALL "SHE AIN'T NO HOOKAH!! D<"
*AND THE QUEENS ALL
*"BETCH, I WAS TALKING 'BOUT YOU, FOO!! "
*"DAMMIT GAGA! LAY OFF THE HOOKERS!!" SAYS THE QUEEN
*AND HARRY POTTER STARTS CRYING TEARS OF BLOOD AND RUNS OFF SAYING "YOU HATE ME CAUSE I'M PERFECT" AND LISTENS TO LINKIN PARK AND SLITS HIS WRISTS
*AND THEN LADY GAGA AND THE MONKEY START MAKING OUT
*AND THE QUEEN GETS CREEPED OUT
*SO SHE LEAVES FOR CALIFORNIA
*TO START A NEW LIFE
*AND ORDERS A PIZZA
*AND KIDNAPPS THE DELIVERY GUY
*AND DEMANDS HE TAKE HER TO HOLLYWOOD
*SO SHE CAN BECOME AN ACTOR
*AND HE'S ALL LIKE, MAN I CAN'T DRIVE YO
*BUT THEN THE QUEEN B*TCH SLAPS HIM AND MAKES HIM DRIVE ANYWAY
*SO THEY CRASH INTO A TREE
*AND OFF A BRIDGE
*BUT THE DELIVERY BOY HANGS ONTO THE SIDE OF THE BRIDGE WHILE THE QUEEN AND THE TREE FALL INTO THE WATERS BELOW
*AND SO THE QUEEN DIES
*BUT SHE MANAGED TO SURVIVE THE FALL
*AND SHE WASHES UP ON THE SHORES OF GUANTANAMO BAY
*AND SOME MEXICAN STARTS POKING HER WITH A STICK
*AND THEN SOME KIDS COME AND TIE HER UP AND HANG HER FROM A TREE
*AND THEY'RE ALL "YAY"
*MEANWHILE
*SNAPE KILLS VOLDEMORT
*MEANWHILE
*SOME ONE DIES WHILE BANGING THEIR HEAD ON A ROCK
*MEANWHILE
*SUBWAY GUY GAINS 1323359247759445948 POUNDS
*AND DIES
*'CAUSE OF AIDS
*HE GOT IT FROM THE SANDWHICHES
*AT THE FUNERAL...
*THE DELIVERY BOY AKA EDWARD ELRIC WAS DELIVERING PIZZA AND EVERY ONE ACTED LIKE HE WAS FAMOUS BECAUSE...
*C'MON, HE HAD *PIZZA*
*IKNOWRIGHT?
*THEY ONLY WANT HIM FOR HIS HOT PIZZA BODY
*SO SHALLOW
*BUT THEN...
*THE LOCHNESS MONSTER SLAPS GODZILLA
*AND KING KONG LAUGHS
*AND THEY ALL FIGHT
*AND IT'S EPIC
*AND THEN GODZILLA STARTS THROWING BUILDINGS EVERY WHERE AND YOUR MOM DRAGS SUPERMAN BY THE EAR INTO THE FRAY TO MAKE HIM CLEAN IT UP
*BUT SUPERMAN'S DEAD SO HE TURNS INTO A ZOMBIE AND NOMS YOUR MOM
*AND CHUCK NORRIS COMES BACK AND EATS THE REST OF UR MOM
*AND HE AND SUPERMAN FIGHT OVER THE LEG
*AND SO THEY EAT EACH OTHER AND DIE
*BUT THEN PIZZAS START FLYING WILDLY CAUSE ED'S GETTING MAULED BY FANGIRLS (AGAIN) AND A STRAY PIZZA HITS GODZILLA IN THE FACE WHO FALLS OVER AND KNOCKS THE KID IN THE WELL AND LASSIE HAS TO DO ALL THAT CRAP OVER AGAIN
*BUT THEN CURIOUS GEORGE POPS OUT OF THE WELL AND TAKES OUT HIS AK47 FROM HIS HAT AND STARTS SHOOTING THE PLACE UP
*'CAUSE HE SO TOTALLY CAN
*BUT THEN HITLER SHOWS UP AND STARTS YELLING AT EVERYONE
*THE END

I Cannot Describe This

Sorry for the absentness. I've been absentmindedness as the school year comes to a close and I find myself rushing in circles to finish things up and get good grades.

This is not what I promised you last week. Last week, I first thought to show a Twilight/Chaotic crossover in which every one is a neopet, then I edited it for a Pokemon/Twilight crossover with an author who is proud for what most would name a mental problem. Instead, I bring you a Resident Evil/Silent Hill crossover that makes no sense what so ever. Seriously, I don't even know.

I'll begin on this note: if you don't know what Resident Evil is, it's a game where you shoot the crap out of zombies. Silent Hill is where you run around, get freaked out, the main character takes a few morbid acid trips, and then you shoot the crap out of zombie-like monsters.

Any way, here's Puerto Rico.

Name: Puerto Rico
Author: Broski224
Series: Resident Evil x Silent Hill
TL;DR Version: Well at first it made sense. Then it started being canon. And then I just stopped trying to make any sense of it. (Only then did it get enjoyable, cept for that part in the end.) I should warn you that it gets a little lemony at the end so you may not want to have any one in the room as you read.

Your challenge is to write crossover fanfiction combining Resident Evil and Silent Hill. The story should use rape as a plot device!

If you're not following, the summary for this fic has the author cursing the 'random topic generator'. This probably should be in an A/N. I may not understand this but aren't random topic generators supposed to be used as writing practice and NOT to be published?

The Alpha Team had one mission; to save the president's daughter. They wouldn't fail, not this time, not after that time in Puerto Rico with the monkey and the tequila. A mysterious lead, dropped by a nameless space marine, one of Earth's toughest, hardened in combat and trained for action, pointed the team of brave young soldiers to a small town called Silent Hill.

I appreciate the humor a bit... But then it makes little sense... It gets worse.

The team landed their helicopter in empty, soot-covered main street of Silent Hill. In the distance, they could hear a scream; it didn't matter now. It wasn't the president's daughter, for she clearly had a higher-pich. And she was the only person who mattered right now. The Alpha Team armed themselves and prepared for combat.

"You go that way, Frost." Shouted Albert Wesker as he wrapped his muscular arm around Miss Valentine. He'd curl them toes eventually, ayuh.

"Yes sir, Wesker sir." Replied Joseph Frost, the young, naive grunt who had been sent in last year. Good kid, wife back home.

Okay so is the author commenting on the men or is this in 1st person? ...Maybe 2nd and a half person.

As the two teams, Albert, Jill, and Barry in one and Joseph, Chris and Brad in the others prepared to seperate, a PACK OF VICIOUS DEMON DOGS ran out from a back alley. Barry made a cutesy clicking noise, in a mock attempt to befriend the feral beasts and finally have a puppy. It didn't work.

RANDOM CAPITALIZATION AND HUMAN STUPIDITY IS FUNNY.

One of the dogs grabbed on to Joseph's leg. Another the back of his shirt. The third dog tackled the young, handsome man, ripping at his throat. Brad, being a big chickenshit nigger, hopped into the helicopter and fired it up. He wan't gunna lose no leg to dem dogs for no president's daughter, even if the president was a broseph.

...What.

As the helicopter flew off, Albert, Chris and Jill fired into the pack of dogs, killing them (and possibly Joseph). Barry wept for his puppy-to-be, who he had already named Flapjack.

Suddenly, a man and his daughter rushed out from the same alley.

"Did you kill our dogs?" Asked the confused man.

"They attacked our team-member!" Shouted Chris.

"That's how they say hello!" Wept the little girl.

Unsurprisingly, the family never invited their friends over after the father's wife was killed after coming home from a day at the spa.

"I'm sorry. I like doggies, too." Whispered Barry, apologetically. Albert wasn't having any of that, and promptly shot the kindly man. No one really cared. They were either army grunts or they lived in a town called Silent Hill with rabid dogs who bite to say hello. What, did you expect girly screams?

When I first read this I thought the kindly man was the girl's father. Now I realize that he JUST SHOT HIS FREAKING TEAM MATE AND NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE. And... I wasn't expecting but... I was hoping for girly screams. Ohhh I was just so hoping.

"My name's Harold. I expect you to buy us three new dogs." The man said.

"I'm sure we can arrange to do that." Albert said politely.

"They were Puerto Rican hairless-" Harold began.

Puerto Rico. The monkey. The fucking monkey.

Chris, in a blind, flash-back induced rage, began shooting at the two. Puerto Rico. That filthy, sweat-back infested island. They were all half ape and their mothers fucked apes.

"Oops I meant Mexican Hairless because Puerto Rican hairless don't exist!" Harold corrected. On another note, wouldn't it make sense they were half-ape if they were birthed from their mother's banging apes? ...I'm confused.

"What the fuck, man?" Albert asked.

"Puerto Rico." Chris replied.

"Puerto Rico..." Jill muttered.

"Puerto Rico." Albert chimed in.

Before the two men knew it, they were naked, "Puerto Rico" proudly written on their chests in Barry's blood. Ash stuck to their bare, sweaty backs as the DP Jill. She hadn't consented, but it isn't ever really rape, 'cause all women want the cock, right? Right. In Puerto Rico. They'd forgotten about the president's daughter. She doesn't matter either, when you're in Puerto Rico.

I like the thought that they all just suddenly stripped their clothes and started having sex in front of a little girl and her father at the sheer mention of Puerto Rico. I cannot convey to you how much confused this had made me. If they hated Puerto Rico why did they write proudly the words across their chests? And if this isn't rape then is the random generator challenge voided? Apparently nothing matters in Puerto Rico? Why Puerto Rico? Where is the Silent Hill?

And then Pyramid Head, assisted by a Licker, came out of an alley and killed all three.

Oh. THERE'S the Silent Hill. Thank you Pyramid Head for ending... Whatever the hell that was.

THE END.

THANK GOD.
Short, I know, but I was in a hurry to post this so I can finish my homework. Yaaaaaay procrastination. Any way, I hope I wasn't the only one confused by this and I hope that you at least got a 'wtf' look on your face and now want to clean out your brain with a wet sponge and bubbly soap.

NEXT TIME: I'll show you a crossover (written in an instant message conversation) me and my friend wrote. Hopefully it'll make you laugh due to how ridiculous it is, because this is LOL Crossover.

Never Fear! The Doctor is here! But he's... Snogging the Professor?

Oh you thought I meant MEDICAL doctor? Oh heck no. The Time Lord can help you waaaay more. Especially in this dreadful little piece, because obviously the author was delusional.

At least, I hope so.

Because this crossover not only is out of canon but it also involves a Mary-Sue! Who woulda thought? Sure, it's not such a bad Mary-Sue, just freaking annoying. Also, the question arises... Well, you'll see later.

And thus I present to you... The Mistress of Time. (Already pretty MS, don't you think?)

Title: Harry Potter And The Mistress Of Time
Author: Karyn-Chan
Series: Harry Potter x Doctor Who (10th regeneration, obviously)
TL;DR Version: Mary-Sue. I would rate her an 'bad' by regular standards, but dreadfully annoying. Her only goal in life is to snog the Doctor. Of course it's Ten, (David Tennant) because the author most likely never heard of the first 8, and no Mary Sue would make out with Christopher Eccleston. I question why this was even crossed with Harry Potter, because the 'Golden Trio' really have no purpose for being here, though I suppose it's told from 3rd person limited POV, with Hermoine being in favor.

Is it just me or does every one love David Tennant more? I mean, I don't HATE Chris Eccleston but...

Compared to 'Tenny', it's obvious why David Tennant is the favorite.

Without further ado, I give you Harry Potter And The Mistress of Time in its entirety.

Karyn-Chan - I wrote this ages ago after the docter who episode "The Doctor's Daughter" and Donna's line- "what do you call a female time lord?", and way i had forgotten about it untill i was cleaning out my computer and desided i'd post it, how ever random it maybe, so enjoy.

Ah yes! The famous episode. See season 4. The episode in which Ten is cloned and given a 'daughter' who actually IS his flesh and blood. He doesn't believe it until she's deemed to be dead though, and misses the opportunity of traveling with him. I wish they would bring her back and stop the fans from making crappy fanfiction.

Also, let's play count the spelling errors! Thus far we have 3!

---

Harry Potter

And

The Mistress Of Time

"I wonder who the new defence teacher is" Ron weasley said as he stuffed his face with a sausage.

Because every one knows Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers don't last a whole semester!
SP Error count: 4.

"I don't know, who ever it was, they weren't at the sorting ceremony last night and Dumbledore never mentioned anything" Harry potter said looking at his friend with mild disgust.

THIS IS UNHEARD OF. THE FIRST SIGN OF A MARY-SUE: Lull the canon boys into a sense of security.

"Hello boys" Hermione Granger said as she sat down and gave Ron the same look of disgust as she turned to Harry.

"I seen Professor Snape talking to a woman I've never seen before could, be her" she said helping herself to some cereal.

This is the only time we'll hear of Snape, but judging that he's actually talking to her, he's got the hots for her. Sadly, (if you couldn't tell) a love story with a human is not meant to be for this Time Lord...ess...

"Please, Hermione, I really don't need to know of Snape's sex life" Ron said swallowing hard his face filled with disgust.

OH RON ALWAYS THINKING DIRTY THOUGHTS, YOU.

Hermione rolled her eyes, and shook her head at the red headed boy.

"You think it might be her?" Harry asked ignoring Ron's choked gasp.

"Could be, then again could be just as Ron says an acquaintance of his, after all it's not unusual for professors to have friends visit during the school year"

Hermoine, hon? I don't think one's 'sex life' includes acquaintances in the real world. Oh hah you're wizards what the hell do I know.

"Hmm yea, I suppose we'll have to wait and see we have Defence first don't we?" Harry asked

"Yea we do, coming?" Hermione asked as she finished her breakfast.

SP Error count: 7. (I'm counting repeated and I don't recognize 'yea' as a word.)

"I can't believe your talking about Snape like you would charms" Ron said fallowing his two best friends.

"Well, you need to grow up Ronald" Hermione said.

Harry had to stifle a grin as he saw the look on Ron's face.

WHY. WHAT DID IT LOOK LIKE. TELL ME.

The trio entered the classroom only to notice, that in the back corner was a large black, police box.

Now the Mary-Sue's gone and steal recognizable symbols from canon! And she's painted them black! (Also, if you don't know, the Doctor only keeps the TARDIS as a police box because the Chameleon Circuit is broken, which enables it to change appearance for blending in with the times. Even MORE stealing from canon, I infer.)

"What on earth?" Hermione asked as she sat down, Harry and Ron flanking her.

"No idea" Harry shrugged as he pulled out his quill and parchment along with his textbook.

"My dad would love that" Ron grinned

"Of course, your muggle loving father would love it Weasley, new idiot is probably a mudblood like Granger" Draco Malfoy Sneered as her entered the room, Spinning his wand loosely in his hand.

Sadly, the Mary-Sue will not be trying to make a move on Malfoy, no matter how delicious that may be.

"There will be no foolish wand waving in this class Mr Malfoy" a female Voice said as Malfoy's wand went flying out of her hand and into the hand of the young woman, who had just entered the classroom "and I can assure you I'm no more 'Muggle' than you your are" she said "you're to collect your wand, sheath it, and sit down" the woman snapped. She was dressed in a long, wine coloured, Victorian dress with white lace round the hem, bust line, and cuffs, her hair was a fox fire red and done up in an intricate bun, round her neck was a thing sliver chain with a round sliver locket hanging just above the valley of her breasts, with an delicate flower design engraved on it, she wore black lace up Victorian style boots that clicked across the stone floor as she walked to her desk.

This woman is so important, her voice needs to be capitalized! And jeez, she's a Time Lord, she can't do magic!... Can she? But here we go with the description of our Sue. I guess, for all the Suethor cares, all of the students could be naked, but this woman is VICTORIAN.

"Now my name is Professor" She said writing it on the chalk board with her wand.

I wish the author would amuse me and make her think up a name. Much like how the Doctor is always "John Smith".

Hermione shyly raised her hand.

"Yes Miss Granger?" the Professor said, nodding her head to the girl.

HOW DID SHE KNOW HER NAME?!

"Professor who?" the young seventh year asked.

Oh hah a joke. Any way, if she's seventh year doesn't that make her around 18? Or is Hermoine now younger than all the other students?

"Just the Professor" the woman said "but if you fine it easier, Madam will do" the woman said smiling, if she had a sliver leaf for every time she herd that she'd have a forest.

THIS ANALOGY MAKES NO SENSE TO ME. MAYBE IT'S A REFERENCE I AM NOT CATCHING. SOME ONE PLEASE ENLIGHTEN ME.

"Yes Madam" Hermione said, blushing prettily when the professor smiled at her, she had a lure about her that Hermione couldn't quite explain, but when she looked around the room she saw that all the girls had that same calm expression on their faces that she expected she had.

"Hermione" Harry asked waving his hand in front of her face.

"Ah mister Potter you noticed" the Professor said with another small smile.

"As Much as I try I can't control it, so your friend will just have to stay calm for the duration of my classes, now on with the lesson" the professor said. Turning back to the board she continued to charm the notes for the class up with her wand. Unbeknown to her Students though she was trying her best to control the lure that was only meant for her mate, human female's tended to feel the calming effect but not the pull that she felt the brunt of, oh how she wished to be on the receiving end of such a pull, but alas she was the last of her kind and doomed to live a life of loneliness.

SP Error Count: 8.
Now our Mary-Sue has some sort of unexplainable power that only is effective on ladies! Oh I WISH this was yuri-slash. Teh lulz would be sweet.

The rest of the class went by with out a hitch and as did the rest of the classes for about two months and Hermione and the rest of the girls in the Professors classes grew used to the calming effect she had on them.

Hermione since finding out about it went to the library in search of finding out what kind of creature the woman was but the only thing she had found that had a lure were Veela's and then it was lust driven not Claming. She tried to question the Professor but the woman had also ways Snapped at her and told her not to delve into the private lives of her professors.

SPEC: 9! Every body's clam, now!
This section has no purpose, really. Hah, you didn't have to read it but you did.

It wasn't until Christmas when the Seventh year Gryffindors and Slytherins, were once again in Defence against the dark arts that the young Know-It-All got a Clue as to what her professor might be.

SPEC: 10.
The clue is important too.

"Wands out you'll be learning shield spells today" The professor said as she strode into the classroom wearing a pale blue Victorian style dress with a white over coat.

Also, these capitalization errors are driving me batty, along with the lack of punctuation in quotations.

The students did as asked but suddenly they herd a loud whooshing coming from the big black phone box.

OH SNAYAP! HER BOX IS LEAVING HER AND STRANDING HER IN HOGWARTS IN... WHATEVER YEAR THIS IS.

"Oh shushed!" the professor Snapped glaring at the box.

"Ermm, Professor?" Harry asked looking at his professor wearily.

The whooshing came again and the professor stomped yup to the box.

SPEC: 11. Yup.

"You know as well as I do, that there is no other, I'm the last!" The professor Yelled threw her arms up in the air. The class were looking at the woman as if she had gone mad when she, walked into the box and didn't come out again, but the Whooshing continued in fact it got louder, Hermione's eyes flicked to the front of the class and she gasped as there behind the front desk was a blue Phone box exactly like the one in the back of the class.

This paragraph is horrible. Also, I don't think that the box leaving would signalize that there is another Time Lord. At least, it didn't at the end of season 3...

"Now where did you take me?" a man's voice asked as he stepped out of the box at the same time the professor came out of her own box muttering.

Once again! The only thing that makes the TARDIS move is a concentration of Hu-On particles and Jack's presence! Because it hates Jack.

"Saying there's another, how does that make sense?"

"Errm professor" Ron Said blinking at the man dressed in a blue pinstriped suit and a long brown trench coat and a pair of red converses.

"Hello" he said running a hand through his brown hair.

"What in the name of torchwood?" The professor said as she stared at the man now standing at the front of her classroom.

WHOA NOW SHE KNOWS ABOUT TORCHWOOD?! Seriously, Professor, how Sue can you get in a one-shot?

The man was staring at the professor's neck, he could see the locket a faint glowing, pulling him to her "impossible" he breathed.

The professor on the other hand, was breathing heavily, and the girls in the class noticed the clam feeling disappear.

SPEC: 12.
"Damn!" Hermoine muttered under her breath. "I love feeling like a clam!"

"Professor, who is that man?" Hermione asked

"But I'm the last, I watched it burn!" the professor screamed holding her head as the memories' came flooding back, ignoring the girl.

Emotional breakdown without prompting! Yaaaaaaay.

The man was in a similar state thought he just clenched his fist, and frowned.

He thought he clenched his fist, but he wasn't too sure.
SPEC: 13.

"Your name?" the man said through clenched teeth.

"The professor yours?" the professor asked releasing her head from her hands and breathing deeply.

Breakdown's over, now it's all-smiles time!

"Your real name" the man smirked.

"Only a mate should know, now are you going to answer me" the professor said walking towards the man.

"The Doctor" he said.

As they continue to talk about 'mates', I think of that time when the Doctor asks Donna to accompany him...
Doctor: I get lonely... Sometimes, I just want a mate...
Donna: You just want to MATE?!
Doctor: No, I just want A mate! A mate!

"Hmm interesting, do you feel it? Our minds sharing our deepest memories?" the Professor asked as she walked closer to him still.

The doctor was breathing heavily now he could feel it and for the first time in years he felt himself react to a woman.

What about Rose?! ROSE, DOCTOR!! Remember Rose?!

She could feel the burn she was in heaven, there was another she was no longer alone, teaching human children how to control that witch did not belong to them.

SPEC: 14.

"The professor last of the time Mistresses" The doctor slowly, closing his eyes and letting the clam feeling wash over him.

I really don't think it's Time Mistresses... But now the Doctor's a clam too?! OH NOES.
SPEC: 15.

"Indeed, and the doctor last of the time lords" the professor said with a smile. "Now are you going to mark me or are you just going to stand there?" she said.

The Doctor walked towards the woman in to longs strides and pulled her flush against him, crashing his lips to hers.

Hon, the Doctor was married and had kids a long time ago... I don't think he'd just make out with some one who he just met... Especially when she didn't start it.

The boy's in the seventh year class whistled and the girls awed. But the two aliens were oblivious, there minds intertwined and they where feeling pleasures they had not felt in hundreds of years, so much so the doctor had to catch the woman as her knees buckled.

Pulling away the Doctor smiled down at her and pulled her close.

"Class dismissed" she snuggled closer to the doctor, breathing in his sent. When no body moved the woman frowned and pulled back again before looking at her students.

"Now!" she braked and the teens scuttled out of the room, the woman smirked.

This is so wrong on so many levels.
SPEC: 20.

"Was that really needed Adalade?" the doctor asked.

"Yes, for I fear I'm in need of a doctor" she said smirking as she pulled his head down and captured his lips in a heated kiss.

Woo! Even Sue-esque name! YESSSSSSSS...


There you have it, folks, LOL CROSSOVER's first Sue! I hope we have more to come and maybe even the dreaded Canon!Sue! Any who, hope you enjoyed the horrible raping of these two wonderful English-based fandoms. And with a final score of 20 errors, how can you not at least giggle? My favorite part, personally, was when they were all turned into clams.



NEXT TIME: We delve into the depths of Pokemon! And a totally brainwashed Suethor who I pity, actually.

Kickin' it off with a personal favorite!!

Alright so what better way of starting a new blog than with one of my favorite crossovers?
In fact, this is so awesome, that I'm going to review the whole thing! (Don't worry, it's short.)

So, without further ado, we have our first review!!

Title: Land Over Sea
Author: The loveless Alchemist
Series: Fullmetal Alchemist x The Little Mermaid
TL;DR version: OOC. A little 'wtf were you thinking'. Gives me sadness that it hasn't been updated, because I'm interested to see where it would go. Also, an amazing quote. Female!Edward x Male!Winry with wimpy!Alphonse and seagull!Hughes (yet to be seen). Basically The Little Mermaid with Fullmetal Alchemist characters.



Land Over Sea.
Intro.

Winter sat on the ship looking out into the sea…

Winter is supposed to be Winry's male name, though it's quite feminine.

The sea what a wonderful place in this world. Winter thought as he sat on the side of the ship pipe and wrench in hand, while the wind blew his short blonde hair.

Den, his dog, sat mere inches away waiting for his moment to attack his owner and lick him to death.

Den unlike most dogs had a leg missing…but was replaced by an automail leg that winter had made for him.

"Come on Den! Granny's waiting to show us something!" Winter called to the dog as he got up and started towards the middle of the ship where something huge sat, while granny Pinako stood by it….

Not too bad so far. A few commas missing or put in where they don't belong but not too bad. Though, I wonder what prompted 'Winter' to realize that Pinako had something for them.

Chapter 1.

This is where the REAL fun begins.

Disclaimer:

*Author and Hinamori Amu come out of nowhere*

Author~ Ready to help me Amu?

Amu~ With what?

Author~ *sigh* Not again! I make you guys show up for a reason you know!

Amu~ Oh right!

Author~ Anyway I don't own…

Amu~ Anything to do with FMA Or the little mermaid…or Me for that matter!

Author~ All the criedt goes to the owners the only thing I own is the idea of this story!

Amu~ Why exactly do you Make us extra character show up anyway?

Author~ *Gives Amu a lecture while the readers read*

Okay I really hate this sort of stuff, where the author is talking to a character. We know you're not really talking to them, we can tell you're not a schizophrenic. Still, it just gets on my nerves. I read a fanfic once where more than half of the actual writing is this sort of nonsense, where the author and her friend beat up Naruto and Edward for something or other.

One

"Ed we've seen it now let's go!" A merman with bronze colored hair called to his sister

"There is no way I'm going back home right now! Plus we just go here Alphonse!" Edwina said

"That's right, Alphonse! We go here! This is our place in life. It's where we BELONG."

The golden haired mermaid speed up in her swimming to the abandoned ship she was so egger to see…

Guys, egger is my new favorite word. Now, some one mind defining it for me?

"Isn't it just the coolest!" Edwina asked her brother

"We'll yeah but, what about the sharks, Ed?" Alphonse asked as they got nearer to the ship

"Oh come on Al! You scaredy catfish! There are NO sharks here! Don't be such a guppy!" Edwina said and then swam through a hole of the abandoned ships side

So many things wrong with the punctuation, no? This author seems to love using exclamation points but disregards periods! Let's try it out and see how annoyed I can make people!

"I'm not a guppy…" Alphonse said under his breath

"Ed!" Alphonse called from outside of the ship

We really didn't need a paragraph break here! I hate these things too where you have one line of text and a new paragraph which is also one line of text! I REALLY hate when the whole thing is just quotations!!!

"Al! If you're so scared then you can stay out there and be a look out!" Edwina said poking her head out of the hole and then going back in

"Uh….on second thought I think I'll come with you!" Alphonse said swimming fast through the hole to get to Edwina who was looking at a smoking pipe with a smile

"What's that?" Alphonse asked as he got close to see what she had in her hand

"I don't know! But I bet Hughes does!" Edwina said excitedly

Oh God, I HOPE Hughes does! We'll be so lost if we don't know what this does! No, seriously, guys! I really want to read about Hughes!

Edwina stuffed the item in her red bag hanging on her shoulder…

"we're gonna go see that stupid seagull again? Dad said we couldn't!" Alphonse said

This is where I start to wonder if 'Dad' is Hoenheim or Parental!Roy! I really hope it's Parental!Roy, I love him!

"Yeah who gives a damn about dad I'm gonna go see Hughes! You better not tattle either!" Edwina said before spotting a fork on the floor of the ship

At least Ed's in character! Still doesn't give a damn about his father! Unless this IS Parental!Roy we're talking about!...Then he still doesn't give a damn!

"Look at that Alphonse!" Edwina said

Edwina swam to the sparkling fork and picked it up to admire it…

"I wonder what this is! It's got to be something totally cool!" Edwina said and then shoved it in her bag

Out of the corner of Alphonse's eye he saw something move across the hole of the ship they came through…

"uh Ed….there's something out there!" Alphonse said as he pointed to the hole

"Don't be ridiculous Alphonse! I said there are no sharks, so there are no sharks!" Edwina said confidently

Okay I'm sorry but it's about here when I think 'Edwina? Edwina was really the only name the author could think of? Edwina?'! I mean seriously... Edwina? Maybe even make up a name, I don't know but... Edwina???

"Then what's that?" Alphonse screamed as he pointed to the window of the ship

I don't know, Alphonse, what is that?!

The shark crashed through the window and chased the two around the inside of the ship.

Whoa! It was a shark! I didn't see that coming! Also, this makes me think some what of Scooby-Doo and their in and out of doors shenanigans! That, or they're just running around in circles in one big room!

Until they had come to a dead end that had a small hole window as an escape…But Alphonse got stuck on his way out…

"GET YOUR FAT ASS THROUGHT THE HOLE ALPHONSE!" Edwina screamed as she pushed him

YES! MORE IN CHARACTER-NESS FOR EDWAR--EDWINA!! Though, how you can get 'your fat ass throught' something confuses me greatly!

Alphonse finally managed to get himself through…The shark burst through the ships wall and chased them tell Edwina and Alphonse swam through a anchor's hole trapping the shark…

"Take that Big old Meanie!" Edwina said sticking her tounge out at the Shark

And now Ed is completely OUT of character! Ed would never call some one a 'Big Old Meanie'!! He/she'd call them a 'freaking bastard'!

The shark made an attempt to eat Edwina but missed as she swam to the surface with her brother not to far behind her…

Author~ ….And that Amu is the reason I make you guys appear here in the disclaimer!

Amu~ Well that makes no sense what's so ever!

Author~ Its not supposed to!

Then stop doing it!

Amu~ Whatever! So when are you gonna do a fic about Shugo Chara?

Author~ Soon Amu Soon!

Amu~ Coolio

Author~ Anyway…Review! I Love reading what you all think! BTW Why does it seem that whenever I'm hyper and I put a story on Fanfiction why do I always do this!

Amu~ We may never know!

Author~ Review please~~

Amu & Author~ Peace out Girl scouts!

Sadly, we may never hear from Amu & Author again! I just really want to know how they fit Hawkeye or Izumi into all this!



This one really isn't that bad! Funny to say the least, but still readable! I hadn't stabbed my eyes out during this so I suppose that all's well that--

Edwina: Whoa, what the hell is this shit?! And why the hell am I a girl?!

Alphonse: See, Ed... *snrk* There's a funny answer to that question...

Edwina: WHY ARE WE MERMAIDS.

Alphonse: What are you-- OH CRUD WE'RE MERMAIDS.

Edwina: No duh, Alphonse.

Wellz: Aw man the first fanfic and I'm already starting to lose it.

Edwina: You sure you had it to begin with?

Wellz: ALRIGHT THIS IS NONSENSE *shoves figments of her imagination back into the closet*

BACK TO BUSINESS.

As I was saying, all's well that ends well.... While "GET YOUR FAT ASS THROUGH THE HOLE" is my new favorite quote.

NEXT TIME: I'll introduce a short one-shot with a little 'what just happened' and 'why' between two English-based fandoms!

Introduction and FAQ

Heyo all. Welcome to my snark-blog!
This blog (as you hopefully guessed) will be all about reviewing and poking fun at crossovers. NORMAL fanfiction is already snarked greatly by the lovely Worst Of The Worst Fanfiction.

I, however, am only sticking to crossovers. For a crossover qualify for me to snark, it has to be in English (English as a second language is okay) and must be something I'm familiar with. I will NOT review anything I have to put in google translate (though that BatmanxPokemon one seemed amazing) and I will NOT snark anything when I have no idea what it's about. I may change these qualifications later, not too sure.

I know I'm limiting myself greatly, but we'll just have to see how far this can go. I mean, there are blogs completely dedicated to Sue-Fics and they have TONS of entries.

Also, if you're going to comment on a blog, please do NOT say anything that the author should die. You were this bad at one point too; we've all been in the same boat. You can make fun of OOC Harry or OC Mary-Sue who acts suspiciously like Sakura but DON'T make fun of the author. I'm sure you wouldn't like it either.

Now for the FAQ part of this section...

Q: I have a fanfic you'd love! How can I send it to you?
A: You can email me any crossover, hatemail, fanmail, suggestions, requests, and fish by use of email. Send it to me at xoverzlol@yahoo.com.

Q: I don't want my crossover up here!! Take it off!!
A: All you have to do for me to remove one of my snarkings is just email me at the above and I promise to remove it. You can also email me if you don't mind your crossover is up here, but don't want it to link to the original, or you don't want your username up here. Remember, this is all in good fun. We're not snarking you, we're snarking your writing.

Q: I have something I'd like you to snark but it's not exactly a crossover...
A: Send away. Unless I have something already planned, I'll post it ASAP. Snarking is especially welcomed to those that WANT to be snarked.

Q: You don't know how to write a fanfic!!
A: Yes, I do. I have my own account in FF.Net and I promise you that I'm not a half-bad writer. Again, don't get so angry. This is all in good fun, and not meant to harm some one in any way.