I Cannot Describe This

Sorry for the absentness. I've been absentmindedness as the school year comes to a close and I find myself rushing in circles to finish things up and get good grades.

This is not what I promised you last week. Last week, I first thought to show a Twilight/Chaotic crossover in which every one is a neopet, then I edited it for a Pokemon/Twilight crossover with an author who is proud for what most would name a mental problem. Instead, I bring you a Resident Evil/Silent Hill crossover that makes no sense what so ever. Seriously, I don't even know.

I'll begin on this note: if you don't know what Resident Evil is, it's a game where you shoot the crap out of zombies. Silent Hill is where you run around, get freaked out, the main character takes a few morbid acid trips, and then you shoot the crap out of zombie-like monsters.

Any way, here's Puerto Rico.

Name: Puerto Rico
Author: Broski224
Series: Resident Evil x Silent Hill
TL;DR Version: Well at first it made sense. Then it started being canon. And then I just stopped trying to make any sense of it. (Only then did it get enjoyable, cept for that part in the end.) I should warn you that it gets a little lemony at the end so you may not want to have any one in the room as you read.

Your challenge is to write crossover fanfiction combining Resident Evil and Silent Hill. The story should use rape as a plot device!

If you're not following, the summary for this fic has the author cursing the 'random topic generator'. This probably should be in an A/N. I may not understand this but aren't random topic generators supposed to be used as writing practice and NOT to be published?

The Alpha Team had one mission; to save the president's daughter. They wouldn't fail, not this time, not after that time in Puerto Rico with the monkey and the tequila. A mysterious lead, dropped by a nameless space marine, one of Earth's toughest, hardened in combat and trained for action, pointed the team of brave young soldiers to a small town called Silent Hill.

I appreciate the humor a bit... But then it makes little sense... It gets worse.

The team landed their helicopter in empty, soot-covered main street of Silent Hill. In the distance, they could hear a scream; it didn't matter now. It wasn't the president's daughter, for she clearly had a higher-pich. And she was the only person who mattered right now. The Alpha Team armed themselves and prepared for combat.

"You go that way, Frost." Shouted Albert Wesker as he wrapped his muscular arm around Miss Valentine. He'd curl them toes eventually, ayuh.

"Yes sir, Wesker sir." Replied Joseph Frost, the young, naive grunt who had been sent in last year. Good kid, wife back home.

Okay so is the author commenting on the men or is this in 1st person? ...Maybe 2nd and a half person.

As the two teams, Albert, Jill, and Barry in one and Joseph, Chris and Brad in the others prepared to seperate, a PACK OF VICIOUS DEMON DOGS ran out from a back alley. Barry made a cutesy clicking noise, in a mock attempt to befriend the feral beasts and finally have a puppy. It didn't work.

RANDOM CAPITALIZATION AND HUMAN STUPIDITY IS FUNNY.

One of the dogs grabbed on to Joseph's leg. Another the back of his shirt. The third dog tackled the young, handsome man, ripping at his throat. Brad, being a big chickenshit nigger, hopped into the helicopter and fired it up. He wan't gunna lose no leg to dem dogs for no president's daughter, even if the president was a broseph.

...What.

As the helicopter flew off, Albert, Chris and Jill fired into the pack of dogs, killing them (and possibly Joseph). Barry wept for his puppy-to-be, who he had already named Flapjack.

Suddenly, a man and his daughter rushed out from the same alley.

"Did you kill our dogs?" Asked the confused man.

"They attacked our team-member!" Shouted Chris.

"That's how they say hello!" Wept the little girl.

Unsurprisingly, the family never invited their friends over after the father's wife was killed after coming home from a day at the spa.

"I'm sorry. I like doggies, too." Whispered Barry, apologetically. Albert wasn't having any of that, and promptly shot the kindly man. No one really cared. They were either army grunts or they lived in a town called Silent Hill with rabid dogs who bite to say hello. What, did you expect girly screams?

When I first read this I thought the kindly man was the girl's father. Now I realize that he JUST SHOT HIS FREAKING TEAM MATE AND NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE. And... I wasn't expecting but... I was hoping for girly screams. Ohhh I was just so hoping.

"My name's Harold. I expect you to buy us three new dogs." The man said.

"I'm sure we can arrange to do that." Albert said politely.

"They were Puerto Rican hairless-" Harold began.

Puerto Rico. The monkey. The fucking monkey.

Chris, in a blind, flash-back induced rage, began shooting at the two. Puerto Rico. That filthy, sweat-back infested island. They were all half ape and their mothers fucked apes.

"Oops I meant Mexican Hairless because Puerto Rican hairless don't exist!" Harold corrected. On another note, wouldn't it make sense they were half-ape if they were birthed from their mother's banging apes? ...I'm confused.

"What the fuck, man?" Albert asked.

"Puerto Rico." Chris replied.

"Puerto Rico..." Jill muttered.

"Puerto Rico." Albert chimed in.

Before the two men knew it, they were naked, "Puerto Rico" proudly written on their chests in Barry's blood. Ash stuck to their bare, sweaty backs as the DP Jill. She hadn't consented, but it isn't ever really rape, 'cause all women want the cock, right? Right. In Puerto Rico. They'd forgotten about the president's daughter. She doesn't matter either, when you're in Puerto Rico.

I like the thought that they all just suddenly stripped their clothes and started having sex in front of a little girl and her father at the sheer mention of Puerto Rico. I cannot convey to you how much confused this had made me. If they hated Puerto Rico why did they write proudly the words across their chests? And if this isn't rape then is the random generator challenge voided? Apparently nothing matters in Puerto Rico? Why Puerto Rico? Where is the Silent Hill?

And then Pyramid Head, assisted by a Licker, came out of an alley and killed all three.

Oh. THERE'S the Silent Hill. Thank you Pyramid Head for ending... Whatever the hell that was.

THE END.

THANK GOD.
Short, I know, but I was in a hurry to post this so I can finish my homework. Yaaaaaay procrastination. Any way, I hope I wasn't the only one confused by this and I hope that you at least got a 'wtf' look on your face and now want to clean out your brain with a wet sponge and bubbly soap.

NEXT TIME: I'll show you a crossover (written in an instant message conversation) me and my friend wrote. Hopefully it'll make you laugh due to how ridiculous it is, because this is LOL Crossover.